People often ask me about the biggest communication mistakes I’ve encountered while working inside hundreds of organisations. I looked at 20 years of coaching experience and identified seven of the biggest mistakes (prospective) leaders make with their communication and how to improve them.
- Failing to Manage Your Own Emotions
This is the biggest issue. It’s both the primary barrier to great communication and the most direct way to improve communication skills.
Unmanaged emotions can cause us to rush in, being too quick to judge or speak.
Take control by practising breathing techniques such as box breathing. Slowing your breath and focusing on it makes us less impulsive. Sometimes we just need a moment to pause, allowing conscious thought to say, “Hold that thought for a moment” or “Wait.”
Learning to stay quiet and calm through slow, deep breaths will help you see those emotions more clearly before they get in your way. After a challenging interaction, write down how you felt and uncover your thoughts and beliefs at the time. By knowing when your beliefs or key motivators are present, you can work with them rather than let them hinder communication. Become more conscious of yourself.
TOP TIP: Slow and calm your breath, thoughts, and speech. If you’re impulsive, practise being more deliberate in your interactions.
- Failing to Read People or Situations
Neglecting to take the emotional temperature of a person or the room may seem like an obvious mistake to avoid, yet few people do this well.
The Micro Level – Gauge how a message will land before giving it. Think about it, and better yet, plan for it if needed. Notice people—their expressions, behaviours, and nonverbal cues—and look for subtle emotional signals.
Most people don’t hide their emotions well, which is gold dust if you prioritise reading this information over your urge to speak or act. Remember, most communication is nonverbal and emotionally based—so improve your understanding of facial expressions, body language, gestures, tone, and so on.
TOP TIP: It’s very hard to read people when you’re preoccupied with what you want to say.
The Macro Level – Do your stakeholder analysis. This is the most valuable due diligence you can do at work. Know what’s important to your stakeholders—understand their values, needs, and goals.
TOP TIP: Run an issue, idea, or solution by key players before presenting it as a finished proposal in a meeting. This flags up any potential concerns and gives you a chance to adapt the presentation for a better reception.
- Ignoring a Known Communication Weakness
Focus on developing your key issues. Many leaders need improvement in one or more areas of communication such as: not being empathetic enough, not reading the (emotional) signs quickly or clearly enough, being too assertive, not listening well, not expressing oneself appropriately, or not guiding people through a journey of understanding or decision-making.
TOP TIP: A 15-minute EQ psychometric analysis can give you profound insights and strategies to address all these effectively.
- Lack of Transparency
Dare to be more open. Trust others, and they are more likely to trust you in return.
When we hold back, judge, or limit what we share, it creates suspicion, reduces trust, and limits collaboration. It also restricts synergy, as shared information leads to better, more timely decision-making. Think about who could benefit from what you know.
TOP TIP: Be the first to share. Become known as someone who “knows,” who is open, inclusive, and trustworthy. Recognise your judgements—others often feel them more than you realise. Work to lessen these judgements.
- Failing to Tailor Communication
Context is perhaps the most important word in communication. Our world is filled with complex contexts. To master communication, practise seeing things from others’ perspectives. Link this to stakeholder analysis, and practise asking yourself (and others) what’s most important and what’s the big picture here?
TOP TIP: Ask yourself this number one coaching question: What’s important to them?
Timing is a vital part of context. Watch for cues in people’s day—how busy they are, stress levels, deadlines, or even whether it’s pre-lunch and they’re hungry. Choose the right moment to give your communication the best chance of landing effectively.
TOP TIP: Important messages need the right context and timing to ensure they’re received well and not overlooked.
- Not Listening
The classic mistake. Listening is at least half of communication. Take in nonverbal communication (NVC) cues. This is crucial, for deep “listening”. I mean taking in information in the broadest sense, not simply the way words are put together or how they’re given emotional content but the emotional elements within gestures, facial expressions, stance, movement etc.
TOP TIP: Focus on and become more curious about the emotion in their tone and nonverbal cues—energy level, facial expressions, etc.—as words are often the least information-rich part. For instance, establishing their state can be incredibly valuable to understand; are they feeling open, upset, stressed, angry, rushed, anxious, or judgmental?
Managing our needs Often, we’re focused on our need to share, feel heard, or demonstrate our knowledge. But listening first, often proves more valuable. Listening shows us what’s most important (to them), giving us more information, context and perhaps time revealing the best approach.
Managing their needs Check what you’ve heard or observed with them. Show them you understand their position first, even if you disagree. Generally, if we fulfil people’s need to feel heard it makes them more amenable, opens doors, builds trust, and keeps communication flowing.
- Over-Reliance on Digital Communication
An over-reliance on digital communication can reduce personal connection and lead to issues such as misunderstandings.
Conversations allow for listening so we can adapt, clarify, provide feedback, and show support. A caring voice has the potential to improve moods and make people feel valued. All the emotion surrounding listening cannot be felt in an email. You’d have to write in a form of long hand we don’t yet possess to communicate the full picture of NVC noted above.
People who struggle with expression or challenging conversations often default to email. This is a mistake—learning to improve how we engage face-to-face or verbally is a much better long-term strategy.
TOP TIP: If it’s complex or sensitive, best do it in person. See their face and hear their voice. Avoid email for nuanced discussions, as it lacks emotional cues and an ability to adapt in the moment.
